Advice To My Brother: Why You Lost Her By Liz Ekakoro
It takes a man time to believe, then he stands on his belief as a firm rock. On the contrary, as highly emotional beings, women believe so easily, and of course, easily disbelieve.
Very few ladies who have interacted with Steve Harvey will strive to think like a man, chances are low though. I heard you complain that you loved her so much, and don’t understand why the heaven she left. To make matters worse she left you for a person you deem “terrible”, a jambazi, Mr. J you said. I feel you, bro.
Before I met you today, everyone had said that I really looked good in my African outfit. That my hair was well packed and my shoe was fit for the dress. My girlfriends envied my bag and wanted to know where I got it from, and if it was a designer. You know that funny tall guy, he said he liked my cologne and joked that he’d come to steal it. Just to mention but a few. I know you really needed someone to talk to, and couldn’t notice any of these, not even the sparkling ear rings and the conspicuous ring on my finger. I intentionally put my Iphone 6 with a brilliant cover on the table, you were too blind to see it, you didn’t even remember that the last time we met I had a mere Nokia1100, that I had up graded. You must be so heart broken bro, I understand you.
After talking to you, and because I have known you for long bro, I am sorry to say, I would leave you too.
Ha ha ha, I am just kidding bro, but I have noted that you have failed in some areas, very minute but important to a lady.
Listen bro;
For her, it is the little things that matter most.
1. Complements;
Made in the image and likeness of her creator, she is beautiful. She might not be a beauty queen whatsoever, but is at least presentable. She knows it trust me, but wants to hear it from you. You don’t have to write her a love poem, just say “you are beautiful.” period. That melts her heart. I have never heard of one who frowned because she was called beautiful.
Notice the changes in her. She just made her hair, or trimmed her eyebrows, got a new pair of ear rings or bangles, anything, or everything, comment on that. Be observant, and don’t keep mum about it. If you preferred the previous hairdo say it. “Oh babe, you look :xyz: and I love the previous one more.” The thing is, say something about her new look. It matters a lot to her. If you hardly note that, and she barely hears any complement from you, trust me ,her belief in your love for her starts shaking. She’ll gradually start paying attention to that “jambazi” because he showers her with complements from every angle, and that’s what she wants to hear.
2. Appreciation:
Nobody wants to be taken for granted, it goes without saying bro. Let her know that she is appreciated. Thank her for being there. Let her know what role she is really playing in your life, and what exactly you appreciate her for. You won her heart and to you the chase was over, poor bro. The lady wants to be treasured, in your own way, but she has to feel appreciated. Else, Mr. J, with hidden motives, and a tactic in playing around with words, will tell her she means the world to him(no, it is a lie). You have never said anything of the sort to her, never sent her a love card or remembered her birthday. Mr J showers her with gifts, invites her out for lunch and appreciates that she spares her time for him. So, she will think it over. Mr. J will win, you’ll lose.
3. Reminders
Many ladies, have walked out not because you did not love them, or they did not love you, but because they didn’t see it.
Yes, you love her. Even God knows that you truly do, but sorry, she doesn’t read your heart. She wants to be reminded that she is loved. Your actions have to be wrapped in “I love you”. Call her to remind her. Send her texts. Buy her a rose. Surprise her. These speak out.
If all you do is wait for her to call, wait for her to text and say she loves you, she will get tired. she’ll have a doubt. Then one morning you’ll wake up to a text “I think this cannot work!” And you will not understand, in fact how will you understand? You will say ladies are complicated and will not love them, but with an eye open..and you’ll be losing them to mr. J, year come, year go.
Your yes, is yes no matter what. Her yes is No, if you don’t up your game and Mr. J treats her better than you do. Trust me, it’s all in your mouth and actions, you don’t have to spend a dime to win a woman’s heart. Ask my #bukusudarling.
Blank spaces:
Listen bro, when it comes to filling blank spaces, she is gifted. Inductive and deductive reasoning, logic, name them all. Tell her before she finds out. You went out with your girlfriends and thought she’ll be jealous if you told her, waited for her to find out. Whether you like it or not, something will be blown out of proportion here. “What are you hiding? Why didn’t you tell me?” You didn’t do anything wrong, but will find yourself doing it because she “accused” you of it anyway. “I knew it! You thought I was a fool?” She’ll thunder. You’ll break up. Mr. J will comfort her. He will tell her that you are a poor looser and didn’t even deserve her. You see?
If there’s anything you are hiding from her, she will find out in the long run. Don’t wait for that moment, she won’t care how much you invested in her, sadly. Tell her before she finds out. She’ll react differently, better than if she found out on her own.
I love you bro, may Mr. J be disappointed, go hang and die, that you learned the secrets to keeping her.
All the best, bro.
-By Liz Ekakoro:Kenyan in Ukrain/Diaspora Messenger contributor
Advice To My Brother: Why You Lost Her By Liz Ekakoro
