“Many are the times that a child will break the rules, but a parent who understands his child is to be loved forever.” ENE
Parents are always right. It is arguable yes, but mine are. Well, this is not parenting 101. Neither is it a complaint to the parents. I write this, not for me, but for the child who’s silently dying inside. I write this, for parents and those who aspire to be. There’s a desire in every child’s heart, and to be understood is more than profound.
Interacting with different people from all over the world, I realize that one’s life is greatly affected by the relationship they have with their parents/guardians. Not going far, my character and way of life is a 90% product of my upbringing; and so is the case with many.
It is quite interesting to find out that not all good parents give forth to good children. It is also possible to find a pastors child living irresponsibly, abusing drugs and all you can imagine, yet the father is changing the lives of others outside the house. Teachers, for instance, are known to be disciplinarians. This however does not guarantee that their children will be disciplined. Why is this so?
As a child(regardless of age), respecting one’s parent is not optional, it is a command. But no matter how right a parent is, it doesn’t help much when he/she doesn’t understand his child. This has resulted in fear, which is mistaken for honor by most parents. The truth is that some children only fear their parents. Deep inside them is hurt and resentment.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”-Bible
Some parents can be too harsh. Honestly, it could be too much, far beyond discipline. Children behave like criminals, always in fear. What happens to kids under harsh parents is that they learn to lie. It becomes an art they master because they can’t stand their parents. Self defense is their daily bread. When they are around their parents, they wear a mask. Very cool, calm. Their true character comes out only when away. They will use any little freedom they have from their parents to do what they think was denied to them. The result is most of the times sad. Wasted lives. Then parents wonder who influenced their child. Truth be told, parents are meant to be a child’s first friend. If they lack this, they’ll sure find it somewhere else. Unfortunately, many end up in the wrong places. If you are too harsh, too strict and unapproachable, your child is silently suffering inside. They can’t wait to leave the house. They can’t wait to be adults and be set free from you. You make them feel imprisoned. Dear mum and dad, befriend your child. Know his challenges. Listen to him. Care to know about him deeply. Be the first person he runs to when it trouble. Create a warm environment. Give your child understanding. He needs to be loved by you. Let it be seen physically by them that you surely do. They can’t see the love in your heart.
Appreciation is another thing most children lack. Parents will always discipline us when we are wrong, thanks to them for showing us the right way. Credit should however be given where it is due. Children need to be appreciated for their little efforts too. Most parents only see the mistakes and close their eyes to the good deeds. Many children turn rebellious, because it makes them feel good for nothing. If errors is all there is to point out, some kids intentionally refuse to obey, because it makes no difference to them. It will be great if parents said what they liked too. This motivates the child to do more. They quickly learn and correct their mistakes, because they are appreciated. Why do some kids tend to turn out rude? They learn it. No one appreciates their efforts. They give a deaf ear, they don’t care. This attitude has something behind it. Try appreciation and compliments.
When parents compare their kids to others, they’re simply telling the child that he is not good enough, unless it is a positive challenge. “Child X is this and that! Why can’t you learn from him/her?” Well, maybe mother X and father Y are doing something you are not doing. Pay attention to your child. Believe in them. Let them know they have you behind their backs. Help them build up their self esteem. If a parent doesn’t believe in his own child, what do you expect? It takes the grace of God and maturity, for most children to overcome this. I see adults wallowing in a pity party that started from childhood. No one believed in them and they were programmed to accept that. Absurd.
Many blame their parents for failure and misery. “I am this because my parents did this. If only my parents….” Though everyone has a choice to redirect their life, the reasons are legitimate. It is high time parents understood their children as much as they want to be understood. It is never in a child’s heart to intentionally disobey their parents. There’s always a provoker. It is also my prayer that victims will forgive their parents for the pain inflicted, and relate with their own children better.
I am writing this for the unborn child, that above love and parental care, he will find understanding and a companion in his parents.
-By Liz Ekakoro:Diaspora Messenger contributor/Moderator-DM News Media Forum
