A poll loser in the last General Election had to be rushed to hospital immediately the results of the Scottish referendum were announced and it emerged that Scotland would not become an independent country after all. It is understood the election loser had high hopes of Scotland breaking away from the United Kingdom and consequently getting appointed as Kenya’s first ambassador to what would have been the world’s newest nation.
“Mheshimiwa really had high expectations of Scotland becoming an independent country and he didn’t take the ‘No’ team winning too well,” said an aide of the poll loser. “He had been having heart problems and this disappointment took a heavy toll on him.”
So optimistic was the election loser about landing an ambassadorial post to Scotland that he had even started planning a farewell party.
“There was going to be lots of Scotch whisky you know, just to prepare his throat for the national drink of Scotland,” a servant at the politician’s home said.
It is also rumoured that the politician had begun shopping for schools in Edinburgh for his children. He had also been spotted running up and down bookshops and libraries buying and borrowing books on Scotland. An aide reveals that he had even started learning to play the bagpipes.
“This is not supposed to be published but I once saw him walking around the house wearing a kilt… but it was late at night and he thought everyone was asleep!” a relative who lives with the politician confided.
commission of inquiry
Besides the politician himself, others who were disappointed that Scotland did not break away include his relatives and village mates who were looking forward to getting jobs as clerks and drivers at what was to be the Kenyan embassy in Scotland. But given the fragile state of the world, they are still hopeful of new countries emerging like Catalonia in Spain.
“Who knows, before the next elections there might be a new country somewhere … at the rate Ukraine and Iraq are going, our tribesman will be an ambassador somewhere before the next elections,” said the family spokesman.
The family spokesman added that they are so committed to their son getting an ambassadorial posting that they are willing to support any secessionist movement anywhere in the world. To show how serious they are they have already crafted a message inviting secessionists to contact them.
“Do you want to break away, have new borders and become a country with its own military and foreign policy? Yes? Hurry now before we change our minds!” the message expected to be posted on various social media platforms is said to read.
At the time of going to press, the election loser’s condition was reported to have been improving and this was attributed to the fact that he had received assurances from high up that even an appointment as chairperson of a parastatal or a new commission, could go a long way to help him recoup the money he spent campaigning before the last elections.
“The money has to be paid back somehow and this is why I get annoyed when Kenyans make noise about some little corruption here and there… you think electoral campaigns are funded with air?!” posed an aide of the politician while updating the media on the politician’s condition.
-standardmedia.co.ke
