Why do men have affairs?

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When a man has an affair, the one question that never leaves his wife’s mind is “why did he do it?” And many women, in a quest to answer this question, choose to either enter into a phase of self-blame which leads to a depleted self-esteem or go on a revenge mission by having an affair of their own which eventually leads to a broken marriage.

While it is difficult to blame a betrayed woman for the way she chooses to deal with her situation, understanding the rationale behind a man’s affair may make it easier to mend the broken heart. Here are some reasons why married men allegedly have affairs:

The ego boost: Cheating isn’t always about sex for men, it’s mostly about ego; and for a man who is looking to have his ego massaged, even the smallest and most insignificant ego boost can be satisfying.

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That is why good-looking men with good-looking wives cheat on them with not-so-good- looking women. Some men will also cheat when they feel intimidated by the woman they married maybe because she’s from a better-off family than his. He the looks for a woman who can look upto him.

The insecurities of the ticking clock:

There are men who will strike up an affair when they start to feel the fear and loss that comes with ageing. They realise they are no longer young and invulnerable, so they have an affair to recover their lost youth and deny that they are getting old. Finding someone who is “young and new,” makes them feel more youthful.

To avoid intimacy: Men who fear intimacy will have affairs to maintain power in their relationships. If a man doesn’t commit to his lover, he controls his level of vulnerability.

Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wives by cheating on them and they don’t get emotionally involved with their lovers. This way, they never have to trust their partners or rely on them.

Something is missing: While women may cheat for companionship, romance and more security when they cannot find this at home, men also cheat to escape an unhappy conflict-ridden marriage.

And when the marriage is not bad, they may cheat because it lacks honesty and active communication. Some men simply cheat because the new woman is more stimulating intellectually or because she is more fun to be with.

Unfortunately, the reality is that some women become utter bores immediately they get married and have children. All talk is then about the children and running the home. There’s never time asset aside to just enjoy each other’s company and do the things you used to love doing together and men miss this.

And of course sex! For men, an affair can also be motivated by new sex, more sex or different sex.

New sex is always their way of prolonging indefinitely the early and intoxicating phase of infatuation in a relationship, while different sex is a way of experimenting without feeling self-conscious.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/saturd … index.html

1 Comment
  1. Rev Stanley Karanja says

    Well, well with all the reasons that those who go into affairs have, one thing is clear…they cannot be happy. Why not? Because affairs indicate betrayal of their love both to their maker/creator and also their wives and children. Alot of areas in their lives will begin hurting mainly their marriages, their parenting, their money, their mental health, their moral fabric and friends and families will will feel let down. In short for affair makers, it is not business as usual. I suggest the pain is not worth trying.

    Brother Isaac, it will be very helpful to show the consequences to affairs, and how to resolve them. Readers can also benefit with insights of alternatives to escaping what leads to affairs e.g. enriching and becoming creative with the marriage itself and not resulting to affairs at all. This article can definitely be taken to other levels…and why not. Stanley.

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