Interesting:Why You Should Never Confront Your Husband’s Mistresses
Being cheated on in a marriage is one of the most painful experiences that a husband can subject his wife to. Yes, the pain is excruciating and can turn a woman’s life upside down. Loving a husband faithfully for years only for him to fall into the hands of another woman humiliates a wife and robs her of her worth, as a woman, and self-esteem. The emotional breakdown that comes with this betrayal makes the woman resentful, angry, frustrated and confused.
Once the woman is turned into an emotional roller-coaster, she is likely to lose her identity and isolate herself from family and friends – those who she needs most to cope. However, trying to suppress unsettling feelings only turns her into a time-bomb. Hell has no fury like a woman scorned and I can only imagine what runs through the mind of such a wife: Am I not good enough for my man? Was it a one-off or a full blown affair with the ‘other woman’? The lingering question is whether to confront the man’s side dish or walk away from the marriage gracefully and with dignity. Should a wife decide to save her marriage, she may take matters into her hands and confront the ‘other woman’, warning her of dire consequences if she does not leave her husband alone. This, in most cases, is done on impulse.
Is a mistress worth all the drama? What will the drama do to the wife? Find out the reasons why she is not worth your attention.
- She is a time-waster…
An old cliche, we all know and understand, says time is money. So, invest yours wisely. Although it is the first thing that crosses the mind of a cheated wife, engaging in a verbal or physical confrontation with the other woman is degrading. Take time to assess the situation to know why your husband strayed. Did the fire die out, and you and your husband can do something to relight it? Have you become too busy for each other? Do you always complain of having headache when your husband touches you? Is your husband the type that has roving eyes? Try to look for solutions to problems you identify in your marriage. Otherwise confronting her may leave you bitter and resentful, especially if she has the audacity to tell you: “There isn’t enough men to go round, so let’s just share darling.” If she is not the bold type she will deny and you will not make any headway. Do not waste your time seeking explanations from her. She may use the opportunity to humiliate you.
Njoki, a 45-year-old home-stay-mum, says wives should know better. “I would not advise any woman to confront her husband’s mistress. She is not worth her time. First off, she will not admit to being his lover. Secondly, she may rip into the wife’s heart further by telling her she can sleep with whoever she chooses, and there is nothing the wife can do about it. Worse still, the mistress may say the wife is simply not good enough for her husband.”
2. Your husband can provide answers …
It takes two to tango, right? Other than the mistress, there is another person who deserves to face your wrath – your husband. He should be the first person to provide answers to your nagging questions. Some women give excuses for their men to justify their behaviour, hopefully to appear like an understanding, caring wife but it is pointless. He made vows before God and the people that he will be there for you through thick and thin. It is his duty to protect you and guard your heart. It is his duty to preserve your marriage and guard jealously what you have built together over the years. Regardless of the reasons why he cheated on you, he was wrong. Sit him down and ask him to explain why he took on another woman. Let him know the damage he has caused. This is not easy and may require God’s grace – after all what you probably would want most is to tear him into pieces. Be careful not to insult him or create a situation that may punctuate into a shouting match. It will leave you drained.
I spoke to Atieno whose marriage fell apart after her husband cheated on her. “My husband cheated on me with a woman who stayed in the same estate as us. When I found out, I decided to confront him with all the evidence that I had gathered about their illicit affair. Although my friends insisted that I face his lover and warn her to keep off my husband, I just could not. What was the point? I had no relations with her mistress. I had a relationship with my ex-husband, and it was he who should have done something about our marriage.”
3. It might complicate things …
Have you ever thought what would happen if you were to confront your husband’s mpango wa kando? The move may make the side dish more bold that she may even tell your husband that their secret affair is now an open secret, and there was no need to keep it under wraps because you already know about it.
Your husband may also feel as though you are invading his privacy and may spite you publicly by introducing the ‘other woman’ to his close friends – after all, you already know she exists. This is because most men are very discreet when it comes to illicit affairs. So, don’t provoke him. Mbithe knows this only too well and has a story to share with those in this dilemma.
“My greatest regret in life is having to confront my husband’s mistress. When he found out, though he said nothing about it to me, he ceased carrying out the affair secretly and he was no longer shy of being seen with her in public. He would take her partying to our favourite joints and would flaunt him to his friends. The most painful thing is that their wives happened to know me. I longed for the days she was his little dark secret. Even though they later parted ways, I still shudder at the thought of her reappearing in our lives again.
4. You will be stooping too low…
You see, a woman who has gone down that road in most cases has no apologies to make as she does not regard marriage as sanctified institution. By confronting her, therefore, you will only be stooping to her level. Engaging her into a verbal exchange will hurt your dignity and reduce you into a packet of misery.
Dealing with a woman with no moral scruples may leave you in a precarious situation as she will not shy away from hurling despicable and unprintable insults at you, which you may not have audacity to respond to. Even if you are on the verge of losing your husband, your integrity need not go down the drain too. It is absolutely unnecessary to hit your head against the wall. Jasmine, a family counsellor says:
“It is okay for a woman with loose morals to have an illicit affair with a married man. She has no qualms and has no problem destroying someone else’s family. It is for this reason that a wife should think twice before confronting her. She may end up comparing herself with the wife, yet both of them have absolutely nothing in common. One is a home-wrecker, with no scruples while the other one is a home builder with moral uprightness.”
Women have varied views on the best way to handle the situation but I insist you keep off your husband’s lover. Don’t humiliate yourself by confronting the ‘other woman’. You will only become more vulnerable and anything she says will drive you nuts.
No matter how painful it is, always remember you are in the driver’s seat. Smile, you are the one married to your husband here, not her. You are there to stay and she is just a passing cloud.