My son called me ‘mjinga’, thanks to my husband

Thank you for the good work you and the rest of the team are doing. When we first met, my husband was a humble man of few words and he did not even have a job. I took him the way he was and loved him. I even paid his house rent and made sure he had food and good clothing. After we got married and he got a job, he started to change.

He started treating me badly, to the extent of abusing me even in front of the house help. As a result, the house help does not respect me anymore.

Whenever I tell her to do anything, she says yes but never does whatever I instructed her to do. He also calls me names in front of our two-year-old son, and recently I heard him tell him that his mother is useless. Now, even my son now knows that I am a fool. I was heartbroken when he (my son) called me mjinga.

Many are the times my husband has told me to leave his house, forcing me to spend the night at our neighbour’s. I have been kicked out even when it was raining.

And that is not all. He has humiliated me many times, even at bus stops as we go to work, slapping me in front of other commuters.

I have endured this humiliation for the past two-and-a-half years. Each time we talk, he promises to change, but that never happens. We become happy for like three days before all hell breaks lose. I am tired of this life.

I feel like leaving him and starting my life afresh, only that I’m concerned with what will happen to our son. If I am to stay, I will do so for the sake of my son but given a choice, I would leave with him. Please help me because I’m fed up.

Shattered Heart.

Hi,

It looks to me like something went wrong in your relationship. It will, therefore, be wise to retrace the course of your relationship and try to identify the reasons that could have caused the shift in the way you treat each other.

In most cases, a spouse who uses abusive language towards their partner does so out of anger. Such anger may be the result of unresolved issues, unfulfilled demands, and expectations that have not been managed.

You will need to be the sober one and strive not only to cool temperatures but also to seek answers to the reasons for the abuse. It is clear that either this man is angry about something or is provoking you because he is up to something.

My take is that you are married to an insecure man who feels that he is unable to control you. Remember that you had a job before him and financed him in many ways.

Now that he has his own job, he could be worried that you might boast of the fact that you are the one who made all this come to pass. Maybe speaking about this will help. You will need to watch your tone of voice and body language. Such things put off some men. If talking together is difficult, please seek the services of a counsellor.