I have noticed that most Kenyan women watch the wedding show on Citizen TV. Whether they are married or single, Kenyan women cannot get enough of the Limousines, flowers, dresses, the wedding dress . . . etc. Of course they also like to admire the good looking men on the line! I do not know why married women like to watch the show. They are already married. Maybe to see what they missed? I don’t know. I know the young girls watch to see what they will do if or when they get married. I have never met men watching that stuff…I don’t!
When the man proposes to a woman who has watched that program, he does not know that she has expectations. I think every body has expectations from the other. Of-course no one says that they have expectations. They all say, “I love and that is all”. “I don’t need the limos, the suits, the car, the big house. I don’t need anything from the other person, I just love”. But believe me, every body has expectations.
My friends were both believers, true Christians whose goal was to become both pastor and missionary. We were in seminary with the man and believe me, he is a true believer. His bride to be was a good friend of mine. She and I sung together . . . we both love playing the piano. I sung at their wedding, very Christian and colorful wedding. After the ceremony I went home. They went . . . I don’t know…honey moon? I remember my father talking about the honey moon when he joined another couple, friends of mine. “Look at her now and tonight”. He said. “All of us will go back to our homes and it will be you and her. Just you and her”. He added, “By the way, it will not always be as colorful as today.” He gave his disclaimer!
Two weeks after singing at the American wedding, I was in the library doing what I like to do most, read. My phone rung. “Hey Teddy, can you meet me at the dun kin Donuts. We usually met for coffee so I drove there. When I got there, I saw the distress on his face. “What’s up man?” I inquired. “She kicked me out…. She told me she does not want to see me again.” I did not show it but I was shocked. They just got married! I was speech less. “Man you need to go talk to her.” He said. “What? No no… I can’t man! What happened?” I protested. Just go talk to her man. I can not lose her.
I decided to go and hear what these love birds, these friends of mine, these Christian people are fighting about. I knocked at the door and she asked, “Who is it”. It is Teddy. “I answered. When I entered the door, she sat down and cried so hard, I thought of running out! I waited for 30 minutes then she composed herself and begun. “Teddy, I cook for your friend. I spend time cooking. Even having come from my work. I cook! I asked him to remove his books from the table and he refuses. All the time. He does not love me enough to respect my dinner. I do not want him.” I thought to myself, “What? That is it?” I decided to ask again. “What does he refuse to do?” She repeated passionately. I was shocked! That would make her leave this guy? Man! I told her he loved her more than she could imagine. “He is my friend I know.” I assured her. “You talk to him or I will leave him.” In my heart I was like, “Wow….this marriage thing . . . they had been together for 2 years before marriage . . . Wow”
I went back to my friend who was anxiously waiting.”What happened”? He was afraid! I told him the story of my father. A pastor who ate with President Kenyatta, Moi, name it! One day, he took my brothers and me to Naivasha. For lunch, he took us to have Yam Chom. On the way home, he had some words, man to man. “Listen, because you like to tell stories of what, where and how. Do not tell your mother that we ate. Whatever she has made, we must eat as if we were very hungry!” I also told him another story. You see, my father loved road kill. Every time on the way home from some church, he would try to hit an antelope. One day he brought one late. He told us to get it from the boot and bring it into the house. We went out but before we could open the door to bring it in, my mother got a wind of the plan. She opened the door and she emphatically said, “Do not bring that thing in here.” My father heard her and said nothing. I told my friend to go home. “She has cooked and set the table.”
The last time I saw them, he had a big US Congregation and a PhD. She is also doing her PhD. They have two kids; a boy and a girl. While I was there, the boy acted up. His father told him to stop it, twice. The mother turned to him and said, “Young man, open your ears to hear.” I thought . . . “Family!”
But then, the couple my father married has issues. “I called my friend and he said they have separated.” He is a pastor! Sad! This reminds me of my father’s words again. “Every home has smoke.” Which means that all of us are wet wood. Need to dry to burn without smoke”. Keep drying . . .
Teddy Njoroge Kamau (PhD), SYR Radio/ TV Director, International Desk. Imanisha