To what extent can a woman go to shed off memories of an abusive marriage? It often includes telling family secrets.
For close to 45 years, Agnes Wanza, 71, has lived with the heavy load of deep secrets that weighed her down, until she recently yielded to constant nudging by her children and told family a long-held secret.
When she escaped her violent matrimonial home in Waita village in Mwingi Central, Kitui County in 1974, Wanza had only one resolve – to start life afresh and eventually relaying a family secret.
CHANGED NAME
So determined was her resolve that she shed her old name and assumed a new identity – Grace Kasyoka.
Her husband, Mr Charles Kirima, who died in 2015, went to the grave without discovering that his wife was using an alias, and had indeed been married previously and bore three children before the woman told the family secret 45 years later.
The soft spoken Njuri Ncheke elder lived with his wife in Gankere village. He was not alarmed by the fact that she never even once travelled to her maternal home or sought to take him there.
The couple had six sons. It is only after they started marrying that they accelerated their push to have her reveal her closely guarded secrets.
Ms Wanza’s sons
Ms Wanza’s sons during the family reunion in Gankere village, Meru County on August 11, 2019. PHOTO | CHARLES WANYORO | NATION MEDIA GROUP
PUSH TO REVEAL SECRETS
“My father had died without knowing where my mother came from. I was afraid that with her advanced age, we might never know our roots. I challenged her jokingly about another child, because I regarded myself as the firstborn, hoping it would trigger her to tell us the family secret.
“She looked shocked and angry at the same time and I realized I had touched a raw nerve. She admitted that she indeed had another child by the name Mwikali but did not name the others. She also mentioned the name of the village she came from,” narrated Pastor Moses Kiriinya, 41.
Armed with the little information, the clergyman then mobilized his five brothers and Pastor Kiriinya. They embarked on a tour of Waita village to uncover more of their family’s hidden history.
In Ukambani, despite producing a picture of their mother, the two strangers were treated with suspicion. That was until an uncle noticed some resemblance between one of the sons and the woman they were seeking.
BROTHER
“I even called my mother and she spoke with her brother Karanja Munuve. We were wary of the visit and feared how we would be received. We carried our own water and said we would not greet anyone with our hands or eat their food,” recounted Pastor Kiriinya.
Following correspondences that spanned close to two years, the two families on Sunday held an elaborate get-together. About 80 kinsmen from Ukambani toured Gankere in Imenti North, Meru County for a reunion with their relative.
The woman’s firstborn child, Ms Mwikali Katee, was in nursery school when her mother left. She said many family members presumed that their mother had died.
Monica and Mwikali
Monica Katee (left) and her sister Mwikali Katee are covered with lesos during the family reunion on August 11, 2019. PHOTO | CHARLES WANYORO | NATION MEDIA GROUP
SUFFERING
Ms Katee recounted the problems she faced after her father married another wife. She sometimes fended for herself at a tender age.
“My step-mother was very cruel to us. I was in nursery school, and our last born was nine months old. We struggled to make ends meet. This was because my father remarried and we could not get basic items,” recounted Ms Katee who is now the assistant chief of Mwambui Sub-Location in Mwingi.
Her hope of ever meeting her mother waned. This happened after she failed to attend the burial of her grandparents (Wanza’s parents) and of close relatives.
“I religiously attended the burials hoping that she would appear. I eventually lost hope of ever finding her after my grandmother (Wanza’s mother) died. Her absence at the burial convinced me she had died. I kept asking my church to dedicate a prayer so that I could have a revelation if my mother was dead or alive,” said Ms Mwikali. She was clearly unaware that one day the woman would tell the family the secret she harbored.
NO CLUE
Seeking closure, the family kept pushing her former husband to reveal where Wanza was but he had no clue about the woman’s family secret.
At one point, the family reported the husband to the police. They suspected he may have killed her and disposed of the body.
However, they breathed a sigh of relief after her sons arrived from Meru and announced that she was indeed alive.
During the weekend event, Wanza appeared relieved, as if she had finally put down a heavy load of secrets.
But she remained pensive and would not reveal what made her take the extreme action of leaving behind her children.
Ms Wanza and her children
Ms Wanza (3rd left) poses for a photo after reuniting with her children in Gankere village, Meru County on August 11, 2019. PHOTO | CHARLES WANYORO | NATION MEDIA GROUP
RAN AWAY
However, Pastor Kiriinya said her mother, a staunch Christian, was running away from the marriage. This occurred after clan elders forced her husband to inherit his brother’s widow.
Her resistance saw her subjected to constant insults and beatings and there was speculation she may have been bewitched.
It was then that one early morning, after feeding her three children, she took her donkeys. She pretended she was going to the river to fetch water.
STRENGTHEN BOND
She abandoned the donkeys and fled on foot towards Mulika, where she eventually met Mr Kirima whom she married.
During the emotional get-together, the families promised to strengthen their bond and forget the past.
“I had wounds in my heart because my father had died and my mother was at an advanced age. I am glad that eventually we have known the truth about her roots. It is not good for parents to keep such sensitive matters secret,” said Pastor Kiriinya.
“I am happy that this has happened. I want this to be written in my eulogy. I went to Ukambani to trace where my mother came from,” he concluded. The family reunion was indeed a day the woman told a family secret, clearing past shadows.
By CHARLES WANYORO
Source-nation.co.ke
