After years of teaching about sex, marriage, and family, I have learnt that most women in Kenya are doing it all wrong. There is a big difference between the Kenyan wife and the ideal wife, the one that king Solomon talks about in the book of Proverbs.
The ideal wife wakes up early, prepares a bath for her husband, even if not literally, but makes sure she is the one who tells him the bath is ready. While he is in the bathroom, she lays out his ironed clothes for him. She ensures that they have breakfast together and when he leaves home for work, he leaves a happy man.
The Kenyan wife gets home tired and joins her husband on the couch, from where she shouts instructions and questions to the house help.
“What are you cooking for supper?” “Have you made tea for baba watoto?” “Have the children done their homework?” “Why is there too much milk in the tea?” “Why is that food taking so long?”
At this point, her husband is probably wondering who he is married to.
The wife described by King Solomon gets home tired but goes to the kitchen and serves her husband tea, even if she is not the one who has made it, helps the children to do their homework, decides what the family will have for supper, and is basically aware of what goes on in her household.
After supper, the Kenyan wife stretches out on the seat, waiting for Teresa, Shree, and the must watch Naija movie while her neglected husband goes to bed frustrated.
After midnight, she bangs doors on her way to bed, waking him up in the process. Since she is sleepy, she is not bothered to change into night clothes and if she does, she wears those old trousers that he hates and a washed out branded T-shirt.
Who would blame this man for wondering whether the woman sleeping next to him is adding any value to his life?
The ideal wife goes to bed with her husband, she happily engages in some pillow talk with him, and whatever else happens next. He goes to sleep a happy man and wonders what life would be like without this woman who makes him so happy. As he drifts off, he swears to protect and love her all the days of his life.
The Kenyan wife is the opposite of the woman Solomon praised. She is always too tired to do anything. She brushes her husband’s hands off when he attempts to touch her. Pillow talk is non-existent in her marriage and any hint of intimacy from her husband is met with an icy look, which makes him swear to find a woman who is sensitive to his needs.
Before you hang me, I am not saying that all Kenyan wives fall short of the mark or that the responsibility of making marriage fulfilling lies only with the woman. What I am saying is that most of us are not doing it right.
Of course there is that man who will never be satisfied no matter how well he is treated, but a good man will notice the effort and go out of his way to be a better husband.
The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the family, and that wives should submit to him. Submission, contrary to what many of us think, does not mean answering to your husband’s every whim or acting like his servant; rather, it is respecting and valuing his opinions and allowing him to take charge.
