Thoughts of an Educated Fool: An Open Letter to Ladies who are Single and Searching.
The weekly magazines pullouts in our local dailies, as well as women’s magazines on newstands; are full of stories and articles about how women are supposed to find a husband.When I’m bored and in need of a good giggle, I read this useless propaganda and laugh at just how clueless all these female columnists are. So, since KPLC has decided to withdraw their service, let me take a few minutes to set the record straight.
First, if you are struggling to find a husband…there is something wrong with you. Now, your propaganda magazines have been telling you that kenyan men are commitment phobic, they are liars and useless; but lets be honest here, which is more likely…that there is something wrong with 20 million kenyan men or there is something wrong with one kenyan woman, you?
Your newspaper or magazine cant tell you this because it has a commercial interest in not pissing you off. However the truth is when a product isnt doing terribly well in the market, the sales team doesnt blame the consumers for being ignorant, stupid or whatever; they either blame the product or the sales & marketting strategy.
So, dear lady…how have you been selling yourself? What is your marketing strategy? Do you think you are going to be picked off the shelf and placed in the basket of matrimony if you are always hanging out with that coven of witches you call your friends? The ones who intimidate any man who even approaches your table?
YOU want YOU to get married. He isnt going to walk the whole lot of you down the aisle. Finding a husband isnt a team sport, its down to you and just you. Trust me, even if she is your twin sister and loves you like crazy; if another woman decides that the perfect man for you is also the perfect man for her, she will either snatch him up faster than you can say Jerry Springer or make sure it bombs so that you remain as miserable as her.
Drinking yourself into a stupor every friday and saturday night doesnt exactly make you look like marriage material. Neither will any product (you) do well in the market if the sales team (you) reeks of desperation. Nagging and whining only tells a man that he is watching a mere preview of what life will be like if he walks down the aisle with you.
You want a man? Invest in a good wardrobe, dress well. Learn a few things about football, go to places where batchelors hang out. Get out of your comfort zone and your routine. Try a new church, a new bar. Go go-karting. And when a man comses over to you smile and be polite. Even if he doesnt fit your mental image of ‘your man’.
Thats another thing. Women come to the table with so many preconceptions. By the time a woman is 18 she already has an image of her perfect man that includes height, body type, voice etc. When a man is 18 the only thing on his list is that she whould be a woman. As time goes by the woman adds more and more things to her list such that by the time she is dating for marriage not a single man alive can meet her exacting standards.
Getting a husband is like buying a house. Sure, you want to buy the 5 bedroom townhouse in Westlands, but realistically you can only afford a three bedroom flat in Langata. And thats with a 20 year mortgage. Similarly, a woman must learn that if she wants to get married in this crazy country called Kenya, she is going to have to be realistic.
Look at your list. You have specifications on height, tribe, income, occupation, what he drives, where he lives, where he schooled, his looks, social circle. Really, how much of that actually matters? Look at how men do it; we marry anywhere from a housemaid to a proffessor. A guy can have a taste for yellow yellows but marries Alek Wek. We dont come to the table with a list set in stone; if the deal is right we dump our criteria (and sometimes an incumbent wife-elect) and marry someone so unexpected even our closest friends are left stunned.
Stop coming to a relationship with a chip on your shoulder. If you believe ‘all men are bad, ‘men are dogs’ then it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. No man is perfect; if you want to find a perfect man, you will have to do a Genesis chapter one and make him out of clay and breathe life into him. And even then, chances are he will still disappoint. Just ask the Big Guy.
You say you cant date an accountant coz they are ‘stingy with money’; but what if the perfect man for you is someone who can inject some much needed financial discipline into your ‘champagne lifestyle on a beer budget’ existence? You say you cant marry a blue-collar guy like a mechanic or a carpenter. Now, if a carpenter was good enough for Mary the mother of our Lord, why isnt one good enough for you?
Okay, so the guy is a little short, a little shy. He doesnt drive and he lives in Kayole. Big Deal. Dont be so focussed on where he is now, look and see where he has the potential to be. Dont focus on some petty physical features that arent up to your mexican-soap-opera standards. Will he be faithful? Will he be a good father? Will he cherish and respect you?
What is the point of being beaten to a pulp everynight by some rich, good looking, womanizing jerk? Why did you not marry that nice accountant in payroll who thought you were the moon and stars? Oh, I remember, coz you wanted your friends to see you on the arm of the successful plastic surgeon, who now beats and cheats on you so much that you are a laughing stock.
Do you want a future where you are sitting in traffic, in your BMW X6, Gucci sunglasses covering your black eye, and you look out of the window and you see accountant guy and his wife holding hands in a matatu, laughing and giggling like newlyweds even after 12 years of marriage?
Kenya is full of good men. You just are so caught up daydreaming about your fantasy man that they are passing unnoticed before your very eyes. Dont be cynical, fussy and uptight. Improve the product and how it is marketted and demand for it will go through the roof.
And remember you are competing in a modern african market. If you cant cook, learn. Get over any hangups you have about cleaning. And for pete’s sake dont get yourself pregnant or fake a pregnancy.
Your perfect man is out there. He may not look like what you expected but if you give him a chance; the two of you will find joy, companionship and completion like you never thought possible.
Mental Product of Insani
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