Ooh! No,Kenyans Voted Ugliest in Africa
Kenyans were last weekend voted the funniest looking people in Africa. With 48 participating nations in the Annual Most Beautiful People of Africa Awards, held at the Gregor Theater in Bloemfontein SA, Kenya took the last position, dislodging Zambia and reclaiming the title it held in 2000.
It posted 7 points out of a possible 540 points. The top position was taken by Rwanda, followed by Cameroon and then Ethiopia as second runner up. The last three positions were Kenya at 48, Zambia at 47, then Gabon, at 46. The judges said they gave their points based on presentation, physical appearance, grooming, communication and other areas.
Coincidentally this came just a week after an article on Kenyans appeared in the Pretorian Bird. The article, in the entertainment section, claims Kenya has the funniest looking president on earth, and a VP with a strange looking head. It goes on to say that Kikuyu women and Luo men pose the most weird features.
"Women from the Kikuyu community have small legs, totally no figures, and a little exeggerated heads. They lack good behinds and those who have them look like inflated baloons.They are shaped like pyramids turned upside down.A big upper frame and an almost inviscible lower bit.
Luo men on the other side have distorted facial features..say big lips and huge noses or should we call them knobs. Kikuyu men are also unproportional, and most of them are stunted. They walk leaning foward. Plus they have long rusty teeth."
"Those from Kisii Districts are small people, the average Kenyan man will stop growing at 5’2"…5’4" tops. Kisii men have mango shaped heads, and bowed legs, a feature also common in in their Luhya counterparts."
He goes on to describe Kaleos as "Funny little pitch black emaciated fellows, raking in millions from the track. However long they’ll remain in Europe, their features never improve". "Nandis will have rounded foreheads, and thin, long arms". While occupants at the coast province are said to have "Wide faces, almost like a widescreen telly, especially taitas,and durumas"
"Kenyans do not know the meaning of good grooming" The writer says. "The women hate their dark skins and opt for mercury bleachs which mess them up. The result: A scary (unpigmented)light face, black legs, and a black back". As much as the Kenyan accent, of standard english is admired, "there’s too much mothertounge interference, common in Merus, Kisiis, and Kikuyus".
While Luos were pointed out as to be suffering from chronic ‘braggitis’. The research funded by the institute of Primate Research at the University of St. Kenkley, also noted that Kenyan men are very marketable in the Kimberely area of SA and parts of the Guateng region. Reason, they are big, hopeless spenders.
Moral lesson, "Be careful dating a Kenyan online." Accepting the Award Ambassador Kinyesi, complained of biased judging. Also present were dignitaries from all around Africa.