Sunday, April 21, 2024

My wife hasn’t apologised for cheating; how do I forgive her?


I am 30 and married for five years. We have a three-year-old son.

My wife begun to distance herself from me at the beginning of this year. Every time I would touch her, she would give excuses as to why we could not be intimate.

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Sometimes she would only relent if I insisted.

I was planning to take her for counselling until I found out that she was having an affair with another man.

I asked her about it but instead of apologising, she left me and went to live with this man for two weeks.

I swallowed my pride because I love her and my son and called to beg her to come back home. 
Things have never been the same. I am afraid to show her affection because she does not seem happy to be back.

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She is not remorseful about what she did and does not seem to care if we separate.

I do not think she loves me any more. I need help because I love her and I want my family together.

I have talked to her on several occasions because I want to know the truth, but she says she loves me and wants us to be together.

How I can learn to forgive her?



Hi Peter,

The exposure of sin is meant to do two things.

First, it reveals that there exists a problem in the relationship. This problem has a root cause, which the couple must take the necessary journey to discover.

Secondly, it also presents the need for confession and restoration.

Feeling love for the other person and just inviting them back without true confession and repentance leaves the door open for the generation of a cycle of such habits.

It is, therefore, important for your wife to deal with this issue through acknowledgement of sin, repentance, and a commitment to a way forward that will not leave the door open for revenge.

I am glad that you are willing to mend the relationship, but caution you not to allow your wife to move on as though nothing happened.

You have done the manly thing and offered her the opportunity for reconciliation. Approach her with love and firmness.

Let her know that faithfulness is key. Ask her if she is willing to commit to this kind of future with you.

Women normally need to process such issues and close doors.

In your desire to reconcile, ask yourself if there are things you did that could have opened the door for her to walk into another relationship.

A spouse does not just walk outside the marriage covenant into another person’s arms. There must be issues that culminate in that.

So, if you truly love her, have an honest discussion on what could have caused this.

If you need another couple to walk with you through this discussion, please do so.

By Philip Kitoto

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