One of the greatest challenges I face in therapy is when I am confronted with a case of a cheating spouse.
I am tempted to sympathise, especially when the client has given their all but end up being cheated on. Infidelity is devastating and evokes negative emotions.
It is not only difficult to process, but also stressful. It is risky since some people end up being depressed for a long time, while in extreme cases, some can succumb to death.
If you suspect that your spouse is cheating, here is what to do;
First, you must be sure that your spouse is actually cheating on you before you confront him or her. When you do, find out the extent of your spouse’s unfaithfulness — is it a thing that has just “cropped” up, or is it a relationship that has been there for some time? This will help you to gauge the attachment that is there with the other person.
Some of the basic things that can give you a clue is sudden change in behaviour, especially timings, secretive phone calls, and maybe late night computer use.
There is nothing easy about finding out that your partner is cheating. Emotions are going to run high at this point, and it will be difficult not to let them get the better of you.
I’m sure that you would like nothing better than to take your frustrations out on your cheating partner, but be careful. However, if you do this and allow your emotions to get the better of you, then you could be the one who lands in hot water while they go free. Make sure that in whatever you do what, it must be logical and planned.
You also do not need to hastily make the decision of leaving. Not yet. The emotions may make you want to leave and take the children along or just kick him or her out.
Allow yourself to relax and first think soberly. Why, you ask? You need to deal with infidelity while living under the same roof. You will also pick out the behaviour of the cheating spouse now that you are aware of the infidelity. When you are away, you will be speculating but while there you will see for yourself.
You also need to focus on your partner and not the one he or she was cheating with. By focusing on the “other man” or the “other woman”, you will only be wasting your energy. Do not even attempt to call and abuse the “other man or woman” since this will only put you under pressure to “protect” yourself.
Deal with your spouse as he or she is the one in the wrong. Do not try to get the details or want to know what they have or have not yet done. This will make your blood pressure to shoot up.
The most important thing not to let everyone know what your spouse has been doing behind your back.
Few people will give you the correct advise, while many will only pity or ridicule you. Remember that whatever your spouse has done, you still owe them respect, even if it means keeping quiet about the kind of person he or she is.
By humiliating him or her, you humiliate yourself too. Instead, open up to one or two good friends who you’re sure you can trust to keep the information to themselves. Make sure whomever you are going to tell can keep it confidential.
Source- http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/Living/Your+spouse+has+cheated+what+next+/-/1218/1227766/-/avg36f/-/index.html
