Lessons in Fighting for your marriage
I saw tube footage of man who was caught in the act of Adultery. The program ‘cheater’ framed him in a corner house with another woman. Unlike the woman that was caught in the act during the days of Jesus there was no way for the man to run away. Probably the house did not have a back door.
The wife who claims to have four children with this man some who are breast feeding might never return to that matrimonial home again given the beating that she received outside the house. She also got a threat of being murdered. I watched this you tube with hesitation and was at the end disillusioned by the heinous act of this male. He attacked her veraciously without being aware that the video cameras were on him. I asked myself how he can hit this woman like that. Were it not for the neighbours who came to rescue her he could actually have killed or harmed this mother who was just following the father of her children. http://habarizanyumbani.jambonewspot.com/2011/09/20/video-kenyan-man-caught-hceating-by-wife-then-beats-her-up/
Please read the following lessons
- Marital unfaithfulness is absolutely dangerous
Marital unfaithfulness is a betrayal to the trust vested upon one by the spouse. There is no excuse or explanation that can explain this type of sin. It is a sin which is committed by design where plans are made over a period of time and moves are well calculated. The final destination is a life of guilt and demolition of a marriage. This husband from Kenya seems to have entered into the trap of an immoral (wayward) woman though he also bears the greater wickedness. This is what the scripture warns against the immoral woman “Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” And call understanding your nearest kin, that they may keep you from the immoral woman, from the seductress who flatters with her words.”
The scripture teaches this about going to the immoral woman, “Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life.” Proverbs 7: 22-23 The scripture is very open on what kind of a mind set a man who goes into wayward woman has, it says “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” Proverbs 6:32.
I wish people would understand that there is no glory or achievement in being immoral. What men seek in other women they can excellently get it from their wives if they treat them the same they treat they side partners or the prostitutes. I believe they never go to other women shouting and being arrogant; they never go there and refuse to give money; they never wear donkey faces to their wives, they do not treat the service women without dignity. If men can show love to their wives it is automatic that the chemistry will work and the equation would balance.
Some questions which we need to answer are;
I. Should this man escape into thin air?
II. Is this male dominance and animistic behaviour acceptable in any civilization?
III. If he can afford to pay for a prostitute cannot he be required to support his children?
IV. Is it really right for a man to only be good when it comes to birthing children but not in supporting and parenting them? This is very disturbing.
This other woman appears unconcerned about being with a husband of another woman. She does not feel guilt of lavishing herself with resources that should be feeding the mouths of hungry children born by this man. She enjoys being driven in a car that could be taking children to school and making life a little easier for this man’s children. There may be no law to stop this but the cries and the tears of those children who are becoming ‘orphans’ even though their dad is alive will always haunt her.
Advice i
A breakdown of marriage causes very deep emotional wounds to both spouses even when they pretend to be unaffected. This is because at the inception of every marriage there is love and common grounds upon which marital agreements are laid. If after a period of time the spouses begins to loath their relationship, to hate the very one that previously had been told ‘I love you’ then emotions cannot remain at the same level. People must be constantly checking if love is growing or if it has leaked. It is obvious that if no effort is made to give love the environment, it will naturally start leaking because every day there are situational nails that prick holes in love fabric. Each spouse must deliberately purpose to nurture love through submission which is surrounded by the following qualities;
i. Love is patient, ii) Love is kind. iii) Love does not envy, iv) Love does not boast, v) Love is not proud. Vi) Love does not dishonour others, vii) Love is not self-seeking, viii) Love is not easily angered, ix) Love keeps no record of wrongs, x) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, xi) Love always protects, xii) Love always trusts, xiii) Love always hopes, xiv) Love always perseveres, xv) Love never fails. 1Cornthians 13;4-8
Secondly, children in such a relationship are likely to suffer a great deal as they try to come in terms with the happenings and the folly of their parents. They are disoriented, pricked in their souls, denied their very basic right and are likely to grow missing something. The memory of an absent dad who lives with another aunt in the city is quite destructive to the mind of a child.
Advice ii
It is important that every couple work hard to divorce-proof their marriage through keeping their vows, walking in the fear of God and in respect of each other. In marriage relationship it is very important to have a guiding vision so that the energy of both spouses is consolidated towards a one focal point. This will deny any of them a chance to contemplate being involved in a strange relationship. Having said this I must pin point out that the man is the leader of the family and if his leadership lacks in the family then a vacuum is easily created. This vacuum becomes a free space where extra marital love can be incubated. Even without the statistics it is possible to conclude that most families break due to lack of visionary leadership. This is something that I have observed within families during my involvement in this ministry to the families.
Advice iii
It is important also for a woman to learn to be submissive to her husband. This means that a wife will honour and respect her husband without undue scolding and nagging. A man was created as the head and the leader of the wife and trying another order is to cast doubt on the intelligence of the creator. A woman though possessing higher economic or academic status than the husband should learn to honour the husband not because of the have and have not but because of his office as the head of the family. A woman might be originating from an affluent family and that does not make queen over her husband. Please do understand that submission is o the same as slavery. While slavery is forced, what is required in marriage is a spontaneously or self propelled submission.
Through a man’s wise leadership which every wife gets married expecting to get there should be dialogue through which opinions are exchanged and conflicts are resolved. People fail to be great because they never determine to be so. A dialogue will never propose itself to a couple but it demands commitment and willingness to pursue it. Marriage is never a break time play between nursery school boys and girls. It is a serious relationship that requires openness, trust, accountability and respect. When a couple sit for a dialogue it would be very important to avoid the finger pointing business because it might not conclude the matter.
First it’s good to identify the problem, and then think of how to resolve the problem. It is more important to identify the problem than who caused the problem. Most people exhaust their energies arguing and punishing the one who caused the problem without sparing any energy to resolve the problem. If you identify that you are the main cause of the problem the best you can do is to own it up and apologise. It is wisdom to avoid conflicts and as two adults who love each other eradicate strive through mature behaviour.
Advice iv
Each spouse must be willing to be fully given to the wellbeing of the relationship, otherwise this will cause imbalance in the relationship. This will encourage positive participation by both. If you are not satisfied in any aspects of your relationship do not be quiet since the problem will never resolve itself. If finances are being wasted bring up the matter and make a budget. If sex is unsatisfying discuss it and prepare yourselves. Remember sex does not start in the bed room but being affectionate is an art that spouses must learn and practice many hours before the activity. You cannot be a devil in the sitting room and then pretend to be an angel when you get to bed.
If communication is poor discuss what to words, attitudes to drop. Know that no body like to receive rude remarks all the times. The energy that you use to talk nasty and good things is the same and might even be lesser in talking good. Make a resolve to be a source of edifying communication, that your speech be thoroughly seasoned. Know also when to talk and when to be quiet! You do not have to talk at all times, it is only a fool who does not know when and where to talk, pause and stop talking. Finally equip yourself through reading of books that address which ever area that you have deficiency.
Please remember on 8th October we shall have a fundraising for familyrebuild programs. We ask that you be there for us so that together we can strengthen the family fabric that is weakened by the many holes that the enemy has poked on it. Venue: Revival House; 500 high street North, Manor park London, E12 6QN.
Pastor Wangaruro
Family rebuild
In support of stable marriages and families
Source- http://www.familyrebuild.org/
Marriage breaker is on the loose-Fighting for your marriage
