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Christine Kathurima Lee: Tales of being married to a Korean

Christine Kathurima Lee: Tales of being married to a Korean
Christine Kathurima Lee: Tales of being married to a Korean

When strangers stare at Christine Kathurima Lee on the subway or try to touch her dark skin, her Korean husband puts it down to her being special.

While the stares from people on the street unused to foreigners can try her patience sometimes, the Kenyan radio presenter said husband Rich has his own take on things.

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โ€œHeโ€™ll say: โ€˜It just reminds me that you are unique,โ€™โ€ said Christine, who moved to Korea with him in 2010 after wedding while attending university in the U.S.

By then she had already overcome the bigger hurdle of getting her Korean in-laws on their side.

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โ€œHis mother was very approving but his father was not. He didnโ€™t say we shouldnโ€™t get married โ€• he said we wouldnโ€™t,โ€ Christine recalled at a panel discussion on intercultural marriage in Seoul last week.

โ€œHis father was not open to the idea at all. He had never traveled outside of Korea and he had never had friends who were expats or from other places.โ€
However the frosty patriarch eventually thawed when she became his caregiver while he was ill with cancer in the States.

โ€œIn the end he said: โ€˜Yes, you can marry this girl.โ€™โ€ Christine said.
From then on, married life with a Korean has been enjoyable and interesting, she said โ€• though her husband now knows far too many of the Kimeru insults she used when they bickered early on in their relationship.

โ€œIt is a language from deep in the mountains of Kenya. It uses a lot of animal references, but he has learned a lot of the words now so I need some new material,โ€ she joked at the Seoul International Womenโ€™s Association forum last week.
In contrast, others among the four panelists said their Korean spousesโ€™ โ€œsilent angerโ€ was a cultural difference they had to overcome.
While magazine editor Stephen Revere said his Korean language skills had helped him get to know her family, prolonged silences from his wife were sometimes an issue.

โ€œWhen she gets angry, in certain situations she doesnโ€™t want to talk for half an hour, an hour or even a day. I think that may be particular to Koreans, that is a little bit of a challenge to me,โ€ said Stephen, who founded expat lifestyle publication 10 Magazine.

Lara Tosh, who is now in her 15th year in Korea and married to a local police sergeant, agreed: โ€œIt can be total shutdown. It is: โ€˜Donโ€™t talk to me, donโ€™t be in the same breathing space as me,โ€™ but once he has had his little angry silence that he needs then everything is normal and it is over.โ€
The counselor and TBS presenter conceded that her partner Ahn Young-baeโ€™s โ€œman poutโ€ had seemed to help the couple when his mother disapproved of their marriage plan.

โ€œWe got 20 minutes of โ€˜noโ€™ and then my husband did his typical man pout,โ€ Lara recalled.

โ€œHis mother got more and more upset I thought: โ€˜Whatโ€™s going on? This is horrible.โ€™ Then, after 20 minutes, she said โ€˜Ah, geuraeyo! (Well, alright then)โ€™ gave me a big hug, started crying and then we had dinner. In the end it all worked out and we are very happy.โ€
Steve McKinneyโ€™s speedy proposal to his Korean girlfriend prompted concern among his family back in the States.

โ€œI asked to marry her on the second date,โ€ said Steve, who met Song Chong-ok while in Korea working for the U.S. government.

โ€œThe Korean side accepted me very quickly, but the other side was more cautious,โ€ the president and CEO of McKinney Consulting recalled.
โ€œMy family had a stereotype about Korean women that was not very favorable. Also, I was doing it very quickly they thought โ€˜This is not like Steve at all.โ€™ It wasnโ€™t very characteristic of me.โ€

They are still happily married after 30 years.

But Steve, who is also vice president of the New Seoul Council for Honorary Citizens, was shocked to find prejudice in his home state of North Carolina โ€• through incidents in the hairdressers and the grocery store.

โ€œHere was someone I loved and cared for being shown prejudice. I was really shocked by that,โ€ he said.
Although the different outlooks of Korean collectivism and western individualism have affected their relationship, like Christine, he said shared Christian faith had helped the couple find common ground.

โ€œOnce you have a Korean friend, you will never lose that. It is a different kind of relationship,โ€ he added.
While Chong-ok won over Steveโ€™s family by cooking typical Southern U.S. food, Lara became popular with her husbandโ€™s colleagues by introducing donuts to the Korean police force.

โ€œWhen people ask why I am married to a Korean I say I didnโ€™t technically marry a Korean, I married a person,โ€ Lara said at the end of the day. โ€œIn any marriage there are similarities and differences. Couples need to make up their own rules as they go along for things to work.โ€

Source: http://www.koreaherald.com/national/Detail.jsp?newsMLId=20120221001152

 

Christine Kathurima Lee: Tales of being married to a Korean

 

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