Does President Uhuru really drink beer alone? Seriously? It cannot be!

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Teddy KamauAfter his election many “business people” in Kenya started selling the portraits of President Uhuru Kenyatta. Uhuru Highway was abuzz with his portraits. You got to love our people: money, money, money. We Kenyans have this great tradition of hanging the portraits of our presidents in our kiosks, shops, MPesa joints, and those who are most patriotic hang them at home! Rumors began to circulate that the pictures were odd because the president appeared drunk. Some people complained that the opposition, to make the president look tipsy, altered the picture! Really?

I am from Kijabe where alcohol is outlawed! We do not sell alcohol there. Our ancestors quoted the letters of St Paul, “ Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery (degeneracy); instead be filled with the Holy Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18) This does not mean the young men in my village do not drink. The idea is to make it hard to get. You have to walk 8 kilometers either way to get it. Therefore if you really want to drink, you have to think of how you will get back through the forests. And of course the rumor of a cheetah that hangs around. This, to protect our youth against what is going on in other Kiambu villages. Ideal!

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Judging a person by the photo though is like judging a book by its cover. One cannot tell what drink was taken before the photographer took the shot. However I will agree that when the president appeared on TV to address the Kenyan people after Mpekotoni massacre, his eyes were red, his face looked like he had been in a fight! The alcoholic experts, especially those idle characters can debate whether he was drunk or not. To me, he was mad as hell! And he had the right to be. We are all his people and the death of one Kenyan criminally must give him grief. Therefore he needs to be mad! In fact he needs to express that anger! And he is justified!

However, he did complain to one media house that these days he cannot meet with all his buddies. It must be lonely at the top! But this exchanging of love notes with William Ruto during public ceremonies need to stop. As he said in his speech, “leadership is not a sport.” The two cannot be seen to be playing games at any turn. Kenya is a complex place. They need to do what they are doing now: Taking every body to task whose intention is to gain popularity and fame through exploits of the weak and the poor!

However it is important to lighten up the mood in Kenya, especially during this wonderful season of the world Cup. The president must love football. And there are many who would like to hang out with him. Not with the hanged portrait of him as president, but at Kasarani stadium! When I worked for a large health care organization in Florida, as a Maritime Medicine Liaison (whatever that is), we got bonuses every year. The company shared the joy with all of us. It was great!

Not all Kenyans have been bad. Majority of us are law-abiding citizens committed to peace, stability and prosperity. Given that he is our CEO, it would not hurt to sponsor a Kesha during the final game of the world cup: As a sign of his appreciation to us who love this country. I suggest lotto where 75,000 young men from every tribe will gather. At the gate, give those who drink 2 tuskers each: no drunkenness. Bring sodas and candy for the young boys, and for those like me who believe in the purity of the blood, serve us lattes! NO POLITICIANS PLEASE! CEO ONLY.

No ladies. You never know what the cat will drag in. I do not want my sisters and nieces to be touched by anybody! They are my sisters and nieces! A special bunch.

That is not too much to ask of the president. Is it?

Teddy Njoroge Kamau HTBluff Associates. @HTBluff

Teddy Kamau

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