Self-rejection: If you reject self, who’ll accept you?
It is bad enough to think that people reject you, but the worst kind is self-rejection.My mother was deaf in one ear. No one knew because the other ear was very well-developed. You would have to pay close attention to notice.
However, she thought that everyone knew. This affected her confidence and esteem for a long time.
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So many people are going through this kind of rejection in different areas of their lives. It takes a weakness and blows it out of proportion. It then deceives you to think that everyone is talking about it.
Once that happens, you get robbed of the most powerful attribute of achievers – the confidence to act.
In reality, if you know how little people talk about you, you will probably get offended that they are not talking about you enough.
This lack of confidence to act has limited many people in life. They have great ideas and are very brilliant, but they are contained by the lack of confidence to act. This is fuelled by the fear of being wrong and what people will say.
The question is: If you do not accept yourself, what right do you have to expect people to accept you?
I have learnt that many times, people take the cue from you. Remember that no one can walk on the back of someone who is standing upright. Similarly, no one can step on the toes of someone who is moving.
What vibes are you transmitting that empower people to treat you badly? Whether you know it or not, you are always communicating something. Many times, people’s behaviour towards you is a reaction to what you are communicating.
Ironically, I learned the first principles of accepting myself from my mother. I was a little child growing up in England and some of my classmates used to make fun of me. They called me a Pakistani bee.
I did not know what the phrase meant, but they really made fun of me to the point when I cried and reported to my mum.
She asked me two questions. “Are you a Pakistani?” I said no, even without knowing what a Pakistani was. She then asked: “Are you a bee?” I said no. She asked why I was behaving in a manner likely to suggest that they might be right.
She instructed me to go back to school and tell the bullies that I had more brains than all of theirs put together.
Well, the interesting reality is that I never really was able to measure the brain capacity of each one of them, but just saying it out to them made me feel so good about myself. It actually affected me all my life. I believed in my brains.
So, how do you deal with rejection?
Remember the story of David and Goliath. David built confidence from the fact that he had once killed a lion and a bear and so Goliath would not be an issue.
Similarly, we all have our lion and bear stories. For me, it was saying to myself that I had brains. Think of something in your life that works – one that you are proud about.
It could be your ability to think, to sing, to cook, to argue intelligently, to come up with ideas, to write, to read, to enjoy yourself.
Whatever it is, just think of something good about yourself.
Remember that no matter how bad you think things are today, there are people somewhere who envy you.
There must be something good about you. Think about it. Affirm it to yourself and rise up to a new life with your confidence boosted by your lion and bear stories.
It does not matter how many reasons you have to reject yourself. One reason to accept yourself is enough to take you to the next phase of your life. Do not dance to the music of a band you did not hire. The rejection of man has no bearing on the person who accepts himself.
Celebrate yourself this weekend.
Source:nation.co.ke
Self-rejection: If you reject self, who’ll accept you?