Valentine’s Day fools


Women will wear red or black lace lingerie and men will take them out to dinner at Kempinski precisely for the Sh2.3 million presidential suite, others at fast food joints around Moi Avenue. Singletons are made to feel lonely, while couples are made to feel pressured. So one wonders, why the hustle? On this day so many things happen, weird, shaddy, gaudy but of all this the crown goes to:

Lady in red

She is convinced that Valentine’s is a red affair? And so you’ll bump into her spotting red from head to toe. And if you think that’s all, you’ll be surprised she has a red head band and matching handbag, oh even her handkerchief will be red. If she’s a scholar, all the pens in her bag will be red. Don’t joke she’s danger, literally.

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The flower girl

Every Valentine’s Day, her man sends a bunch of red rose flowers in her office, how romantic, no? She’s anxious all day and can’t wait to leave the office. Finally, its time and she’ll do the Naomi Campbell in town with the flowers for everyone to see.

Apparently, the idea of Valentine’s flowers (which end up drying before COB) in the office has served its term and it’s about time to warn your man on Valentine’s eve. If not, just strike a deal with Mose the security guy and he’ll hide the bouquet before anyone gets to see it.

Teddy girl

Receiving and gifting someone big huge white and red teddies they sell in town is downright horrible. And these vendors selling them, what the hell? So the teddy girl is completely clueless about this and will walk in town hugging this humongous teddy bear or better still carrying it on her back!

Chocolate girl

She’ll go chew on chocolate the whole day. The one that goes for Sh150. Get her this and you’ll be her best friend. How they associate Valentine’s Day with chocolate? Well story for another day.

The gully creeper

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re likely to see a bunch of young women spotting heels they barely know how to walk in. They will constantly trip and go, “Oops, oh my gosh” three more steps “Oops, oh my gosh” and the cycle goes on. Hey it’s Valentine’s and they have to look sharp.

It’s that time when they treat themselves to dinner at Caprice or Manhattan then to some backstreet club to crown the day. All in all, when we are busy branding this woman who decides to go red all the way ‘shady’, maybe she was the lucky woman who gets the Sh2.3 million presidential suite treat, while you and your whites dine at Kenchic.

Then we’ll decide who had the last laugh. Whether you receive flowers, chocolates or teddies I believe ‘shadiness’ is relative and so goes the Swahili saying ‘kila nyani na starehe zake.’



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