A woman who acts as a church ‘elder’ in a diaspora church was asked by the senior pastor why she was constantly fighting against any thing he says during their monthly church meeting. She was the most vocal resulting in her husband, who is also an elder, to never participate in the discussions. The pastor asked her in front of the meeting,“Who is the head of your household?” She shagged her shoulders and said, “let us not go there.” The pastor responded, “Oh, I see.”
The modernity that is working to destroy America and the western world is also sweeping into the homes of Kenyans in the Diaspora. The other day I visited old friends of mine. The Lady is a person I consider as one of the most hospitable human beings on the face of the earth. As I sat down in the living room, a car pulled up and a beautiful girl came out and walked into the house. As I looked closer, I realized that it was not a stranger; rather, it was her 19-year-old son! The young man had make up on, dressed in a dress, and had even bought bras! I honestly thought it was a girl! After he went into the bedroom, I asked the mother “is that your son?” She responded, “Yap Teddy . . . he decided that he does not want to be a boy anymore.” What, he decided? “That is absolutely insane, and you allowed this to happen?” I asked. She explained, “Teddy it is the new trend! What could you have done?” Her husband gave up after she took over leadership.
As they are a white American family it is hard to help them. Even though they are believers in Christ, they operate on another mode of thought: We call it the ‘freedom of the individual.’ This freedom of the individual is taken by many Kenyan women in the United States as the power to go against their husband’s leadership in the home. And I am not talking about who cooks or whether the man can do laundry, rather, that there cannot be two leaders in the home! Of the children of diaspora who fail, majority is from homes where men have become ‘women’! Or where parents have no clear distinctions as to who is the head of the household. The Pentecostal idea of women as co – equal spiritual leaders in the home is distractive and it is contributing to the advancement of feminism among the diaspora! In a single parent home, this is understandable, but not in marriage.
After graduating from high school, I fought with a girl who was helping us in the house. My father had taken her from her village in Embu to study Nursing at the local hospital. She and I did not like each other that much. My mother always waited for my father to report ‘crimes’. My father did what he always did. He sat me down and enquired about my behavior. I made a case that she was not a member of the home therefore I could beat her up if she played with me. My father looked at me and before I knew it, his heavy right hand landed on the left side of my face. It was so loud that my mother came to check. She stood at the door and watched, then, she went back to the kitchen. I opened the door and he said, “Son, if you walk out that door, do not come back to this home.” I never opened that door.
That lesson taught me the need to respect even the maid in the house, a great lesson that I practice even today. My father taught me that the man is the head of his household. His wife, my mother affirmed that in every way. Not that she did not reserve the right to correct him, rather, she made it clear that there was one head. Many diaspora men are letting down their leadership. They are becoming women in disguise! I always say that I am a male chauvinist: I believe a man is a man and a woman is a woman. But I am not a sexist: I believe in the intellect and abilities of women! I am a Pauline theologian: the man is the head of his household. If a woman does not want to recognize this, then she should find a woman to marry!
When my young man finished tenth grade, I realized the American landscape was beginning to erode his manhood. He was beginning to loose the toughness of a man: the created warrior nature needed to stand up to nonsense. I took him to the village, dumped him at home in Kenya. I told my parents to let him walk to the local school even in the mud. He stayed there two years. When I hosted his graduation party in the village, he said, “This has changed my life. I am a better man.” I heard he is going to the Navy after studying emergency response medicine. He is going to be a Navy Medic, as a MAN! He is married to a woman and they have a son!
The Bible gives home leadership to men! On that, there should be no compromise.
Teddy Njoroge Kamau (Ph.D)
HTbluff Associates
Diaspora Messenger Senior Columnist
Reach the writer: TeddyKamau@Diasporamessenger.com
